I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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