I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
