I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
