Are we in a gay sports bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
