i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
