I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
