It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
