I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
