True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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