Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
