Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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