The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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