do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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