When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
