I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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