How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
