Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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