So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
