he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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