I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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