90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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