Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
