I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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