I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
