RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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