I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
