Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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