She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
