so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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