youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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