haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
