What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
