Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
