your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
