Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
