names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
