First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
