if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
