i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
