turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
