Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
