it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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