I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
