he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
