she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
