So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
