Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
