Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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