Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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