either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think i got beer on your cat.
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