My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
