I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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