so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
