he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
