He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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