Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
