MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
