You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
