kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
