New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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