YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
