i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
