i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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