I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
