Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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