Someone shit on the floor
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
