Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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