I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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